Well I guess this is more of a rant than a journal entry. I guess I just need to talk to those who do not know me and thus can not judge.
I received a comment back in September that they writer saw to be constructive that I saw to be rude. The thing is not all of us who are on here are great artists to begin with. For myself, I tend to write rants that I like to call poems, throw em up and get rid of the emotion that I seem to have built up a wall of inside me. Once it builds up enough I get to the point where I need to just get it out in any which way possible and quite frankly I don't think my boyfriend wants/needs/should have to deal with anymore of my whacked out emotions. I am a kid, not some magical all-knowing writer. I write to release, like many other angst-filled teenagers, I write to let go and most importantly I write because it makes me feel better. If I write something so personal and put it up here and read something like that unexpectedly it hurts, because I threw a part of me up here on the internet for all to see and not all writing needs to be taken in such a sense that I need advice constantly. Sometimes I just write to get it out. End of story.

So it was like 2 am this morning and I get a phone call from who else but Ian. A guy I wanted to hook up with all summer (and may or may not have ;]) who says "I'm coming towards your street, I kind of have a bet with my friend. Will you come outside and kiss me? Just one kiss, on the lips" ...Yes because I totally thought he meant somewhere else? So the first thought was along the lines of "he's not a bad kisser..." second was "Wait! I have a boyfriend!" Then it got to the point of "It's two in the fucking morning what the fuck!" Then he says "I'll be there soon, I'll call you when I'm on the corner of your street and you can tell me which way to turn". So of course I don't expect him to call yet at about 2 30 he calls again and says "Is it left or right?" like I know which way he's facing and what street he's on. So I ask him and he tells me so naturally I go "Wait I'ma check if I can see you through my window!" I don't see him at first bit then I see him next to a stop sign three houses down from mine with his friend. Like wtf mate. Anywho then he starts texting me and playing the whole fine no seeing me for you thing when I say no. Then 5 minutes later he calls AGAIN! Saying something along the lines of "Please come outside, just one kiss". Unfortunatly (for him) my morals got the best of me and I declined... what do I need a kiss from him for anyways? I think I've had too many of those for one life... besides when he gets horny he looks kinda like a rat. Kinda gross.

Well tonight was random. apparently now I have a boyfriend, I'm actually happy about that for once. He seems like a really nice guy, and for once a guy who isn't creepy! That's a first. Camp was the time of my life. An hour dancing on table singing about pudding? FUCK YEAH! I miss it. I can't believe I cried when I left. As much as I didn't like my cabin I cried when I hugged my counsler Niri. She's amazing. She honestly is one of the sweetest people I have ever met.
The first week sucked, same with Yom Sahal which is an Israely army stimulation program. It turned out funny in the end. I just wasn't physically fit enough to do it. But I'm starting to work out with my sister and my mom! Besides that camp was great. Between the gay orgies, the romantic singing between two of the guys, the musical sing a longs or props and costumes it was all just great! Especially taking care of this cabin of 10 and 11 year old boys. These two twins are adorable! I honestly wanted to keep those kids. They were the sweetest things ever.
It turned out that this guy whom I have known since I was little, like he held my hand when I crossed the street, was one of my other counslers. Talk about one of the greatest suprises ever! He grew up to be halarious and one of the coolest people I know. For the other counsler Dafna, she is so funny! We danced and sang a lot. I couldn't have picked out better counslers myself.
I was told to get out of my dream world by my ex, Evan yesterday. It's funny I live in a dream world. Well at least my life is amazing. My head isn't totally in the clouds but it's pretty damn close. The only thing that may go wrong is the dentist and school tomorrow. I doubt it will, as bad as it sounds I can show off Branden, my new boy. Haha.
And to think I got him through my thoughtless rambling. How talented am I? That's the first time that that has done me any good.
Anywho I send everyone love. I got a lot of good vibes to send out right now.
Peace!

Wow, so I'm being borderline stalked. Not to mention blackmailed, all by my exboyfriend. I did feel special... now I'm creeped out due to the blackmail. If any of you talk to him NO I am not pregnant and even if I was it would not be his. But I am not. Any who, he will not leave me alone.
Besides all that life is almost perfect. My dad would not go paint shopping with me so he sent his Ukraining mechanic to. Well now he can't complain about the colours I picked, dark purple and grey-blue. I'm excited!
I finally have a way out of the city!! I can't believe it but I'm going to camp. Three weeks where the only way Evan can contact me is by letters. Life is sweet. I'm gonna miss Max and Daphne and Sara though but tis life. Max if you ever read this that you for being there for me so much lately.
I can't believe it but I have hickies, yes plural. It's so weird, but I can not wear half my shirts which sucks. Who the hell gets a hickey on their collarbone? Well I guess me.
Any who life is sweet besides the blackmail and stalkage. I'm writing a lot of music and dancing a lot. I like dancing. It's fun. Teehee.

It's over, finally. I left him. I don't think I could feel more guilty between the cheesy poems and the roses. I wish I could love him so much but I just can't care about him the same way he cares about me. Our one year was soon too.
I can't believe I almost had sex with him (a different him). His horny face looks kinda like a rat. It had only been a few days what was I thinking. Man was that fun though. I feel so free.
Then there's the third him, I love him. I would date him if I could. He's the only person I could see myself in a relationship with right now. Too bad it's illigal. If it wasn't I'm sure we would be happily in each others arms. To be with him is more then I could ever dream of. Oh Max why must you do this to me. You kiss me and then tell me I'm too young. I can't wait a couple of YEARS! But I'll do my best, for you. Anything for you.

I think I need a break from guys.